There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
