what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
