just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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