we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
