FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
