I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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