his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
