the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
