I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
