apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
