I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
