I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
