Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
