Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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