i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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