careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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