I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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