I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
