I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
