A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
