Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
