He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
