she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
