But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
