Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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