dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
