I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
