Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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