He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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