I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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