I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
