Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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