I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
