I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
