He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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