I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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