when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
