haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
