sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
