so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
