Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
