We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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