I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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