you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
