Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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