its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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