The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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