I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
