I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
