he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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