Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My vagina just clenched in fear
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
