come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
