When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Please don't give away my fajitas
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