His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
