You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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