I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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