If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
