so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
